


Shane And Ryan Were Here

by WhatWereMadeOf



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Abduction, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatWereMadeOf/pseuds/WhatWereMadeOf
Summary: “I’m...where are we? Did you just wake up? Are you okay? Jesus fucking Christ I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry Shane...”When Shane didn’t reply, Ryan opened his eyes to see confusion on the other man’s face. He watched him lift a hand and point to his ear. He spoke slowly, and Ryan’s heart sank into his stomach when no sound came out.“I can’t hear you.”Or, Ryan and Shane get abducted and held captive by aliens. Maybe? Probably? There's some debate.





	Shane And Ryan Were Here

“We’re back, baby!”

“The boys are back in-EEP!”

Ryan Bergara jumped as a twig snapped under his foot. It was eerily quiet at night. No crickets, no birds, no wind whistling through the pines. It was just the two of them with more stars overhead than Ryan had ever seen in his life.

He and Shane Madej were hiking through Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest.

Earlier that day, they’d set up camp in a clearing near the entrance. They’d sat down in lawn chairs for Ryan to give his usual preamble to the camera.

“Hello and welcome to Buzzfeed: Unsolved...”

“Season 4!”

“Yep, thanks, almost forgot...”

“Did you...?”

“No, fuck you.”

He went on to say that they were doing a very special “revisiting” episode to start the season.

“More like rehashing, am I right guys?” Shane slapped his knee.

They were going to do a bunch of mini-sodes where they would revisit a topic or story they didn’t spend much time on. To start it off, they were in Heber, Arizona, at the site of one of the most famous alien abductions in history: the curious case of Travis Walton.

“We aren’t going to spend much time going over most of these cases, if you want to hear the whole story, you know...rewatch that episode.”

“Yes, please do. Rewatch all our old episodes. Don’t skip the ads.”

Ryan wheezed. “Cut...cut that one out, TJ.”

“TJ doesn’t edit our show.”

“I...shut up...”

“Do you know who edits our show now?”

“I just...fuck you, anyway...Anyway, what we’re going to do this episode is explore the woods where it happened.”

“Going back to the scene of the crime.”

“Exactly.”

Several hours later they found themselves wandering around the woods in search of...something. Shane was having none of it.

“What’re we looking for, Ryan? Just straight up aliens?”

“Well I thought maybe we’d find like...scrap metal or something...”

“It wasn’t...it didn’t crash here, did it?”

“No I know, I know...”

They walked further and further into the brush. TJ had gone back to the campsite to grab an extra battery, and at some point they had decided, on a whim, to leave the trail. There was a full moon out, appropriately enough, so they could see nearly as clear as day.

“We should...” Shane turned to Ryan, as Ryan backed up a little to get the taller man in shot. Suddenly, his face was illuminated in bright, white light. His eyes went wide. “What was that?”

Ryan swallowed and turned around in time to see another flash of light just behind the closest line of trees. “Oh fuck.”

Before Ryan knew what was happening, Shane was around him, heading forward. “Shane no. Shane we talked about this!” But the other man looked over his shoulder and smiled with a wild look in his eye.

“I think the locals want to meet us!”

“Shane don’t go...! Goddamn it you’re going...you’re going and I’m following you...”

Much to their collective surprise, they stepped into an empty clearing. Shane turned back to Ryan and frowned dramatically.

“Guess not then.”

Ryan's hands were shaking. He looked around frantically, then searched the skies. “Okay you've had your fun, you crazy fucker, now let’s go back...”

Suddenly, a massive beam of light engulfed Shane’s entire figure. His face went blank and Ryan screamed. To his horror, his friend began to laugh.

“You got me, Ry, you got me.”

Ryan stumbled backwards. “What?? Shane, run!”

_What're you DOING?? Run, Bergara!_

“Yeah, really good stuff. Really good.” Shane hadn’t even looked up. He stared directly at Ryan, unwavering. He was so sure.

Ryan looked up and saw...nothing. The beam only extended just above the treeline was cut short by total darkness. There was nothing...

No stars.

“Get...! Get out of it!”

Suddenly, a different beam engulfed Ryan, and he froze.

“Fuck!”

He saw Shane’s grin falter a second before everything went black.

  


* * *

  


Ryan woke up slowly, rolling around and trying to get the image of Shane wrapped in light out of his head. The beams, the woods, the drive there, the longest dream he’d ever had, for sure. And the most vivid. Why did his neck hurt? And his head.

_Where’d my pillow go? This one sucks._

Ryan reached around for his lamp, but to no avail. His hands brushed something cold and metal beside the bed.

_That isn’t...this isn't my bed._

The room was suddenly flooded with bright, fluorescent light. Ryan shot up but had to immediately cover his eyes as a wave of pain rushed from his eyes back into his brain.

_What is this..._

He sat there frozen, just waiting for something to happen to him. Nothing did, and he finally decided he was alone, wherever he was. He opened his eyes and let them adjust to his surroundings. Panic swelled at top of his throat. He was in a tiny, brightly lit bedroom. Someone had put him a long-sleeved white T-shirt with matching sweatpants. There were three white walls and a white door, with a matching white floor and ceiling, with no decorations or anything distinguishing anything. The fourth one, farthest from the bed, was made of clear, unblemished glass. It peered into another room, identical to this one with an identical bed.

In that bed was Shane Madej, sitting cross-legged, cradling his head in his hands.

“SHANE!” Ryan shouted, scrambling to get out of his tangled white blanket, almost hitting the floor in the process. Shane didn’t move.

“SHANE!!” He ran to the glass wall and banged on it with his fist. “SHANE ARE YOU OKAY?? SHANE!”

Shane jumped at the noise and immediately ran to meet his friend at the wall. He pressed his hands against it. He was wearing the same uniform as Ryan.

Ryan had never seen so much fear in his eyes.

“Shane...fuck, Shane...” Another wave of pain hit him suddenly. He had to lean one hand up against the glass and squeeze his eyes shut. “I’m...where are we? Did you just wake up? Are you okay? Jesus fucking Christ I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry Shane...”

When the Shane didn’t reply, Ryan opened his eyes to see confusion on the other man’s face, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wide. He watched him lift a hand and point to his ear. He spoke slowly, and Ryan’s heart sank into the pit of his stomach when no sound came out.

“I can’t hear you.”

  


* * *

  


Ryan sank to the floor and ran his hands through his hair. Shane stood there for only a second before starting to look around.

The younger man sat back and watched his friend as his mind raced at million miles a minute. He kept glancing back at the door to his room, waiting. Shane fumbled around with his blanket, looked under the bed, looked in the drawer of his nightstand. To Ryan's surprise, he pulled out a few sheets of what looked like printer paper. He held them up for Ryan to see, along with what looked like a plain, white mechanical pencil. Shane shrugged and left them on his stand as he went for the door.

"It won't open," Ryan said to himself, running his hand through his hair again. He sprang to his feet as the door swung open and his friend disappeared behind it. "Shane wait!" He ran to his own door and threw it open, expecting to see the older man on the other side.

But, nope. A bathroom. He sighed heavily. It was a tiny, single bathroom, with nothing but a toilet, sink and a bar of soap. White, of course.

He stuck his head back out of the doorway, and looked over at Shane.

"Then...? Where's the...?"

Shane pointed to the wall across the room. It was as plain and white as the rest of them, except for a long split down the middle. Ryan almost laughed.

"How very...Star Trek of you, aliens."

  


* * *

  


(How do I know you’re really Shane?)

Ryan sat on the floor across from his friend with the wall separating them. He held up the message, which he had scrawled across a piece of paper, against the glass for Shane to see.

The other man smiled for the first time all day, and let out a small laugh. He thought for a minute, then wrote down his reply and held it up.

(I know you think this is aliens, but I’m ready to fight you on that.)

Ryan’s eyes crinkled in a tired smile as he wrote back.

(What the fuck is wrong with you?)

(I don’t know, I’m not saying it’s not, but what if it’s just like, the government? I’m getting Stranger Things vibes.)

(You think it’s more likely a fictional wing of the government that captures random idiots like us, holds them prisoner, and experiments on them? You think you’re going to the fucking upside down?)

(Well if they are aliens, they have a really strong grasp of Earth-interior design.)

Ryan laughed, and he knew he wasn’t wrong. He'd gotten a chance to look through his own room, finding it identical to Shane's. Same chrome bed frame with a matching chrome nightstand, with exactly 5 plain sheets of paper sitting inside, which they were currently using to communicate.

The rooms were identical, oddly enough except for the air vents, which constantly shot out cold air. Shane’s was on the ceiling, and Ryan’s was on the wall about a foot off the ground. At one point he tried to pry it open, but it wouldn’t budge. He didn’t know what good that would’ve done anyway. It wouldn’t even be big enough to fit his arm through.

Then there was the white block, which they would eventually nickname “the cheese.” It sat on top of the nightstand, with no plate, napkin or anything of the sort. To Ryan’s utter disgust and horror, Shane picked his up and immediately took a small bite out of it. He looked at Ryan and shrugged, giving him a thumbs up.

(I can't believe you're still eating that, by the way.)

(Tastes like tofu, but a little nutty?)

(There’s like a .1% chance it’s not drugged.)

(Well if it’s either drugs or go hungry, what’re you gonna do?)

Before Ryan could finish writing his reply, the lights in both of their rooms flashed brightly. He looked up at Shane, who raised an eyebrow. Then it happened again, and they both leaped to their feet. Ryan held his breath, staring directly at the fluorescent lights.

After a couple seconds, they were plunged into total and complete darkness, unlike anything Ryan had ever experienced before. He couldn’t see his own hand inches from his face. He turned around and leaned his back against the glass wall and sank once again to the floor, where he'd been just earlier that day. He tried in vain to quell the panic attack threatening to take over his entire mind and body, running his hands over his face. Then he heard a soft knock behind him, making him jump. Then another. Then another. He let out a beleaguered sighed and knocked back three times without turning around.

Neither slept that first night. They sat with their backs against the glass, knocking every once in a while, as if to say “Still here.”

  


* * *

  


Days passed just like that. Ryan spent most of his time laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. It was one of those old-style popcorn ceilings. He tried to remember what era that would’ve started in, and wondered what that said about their captors. If they hadn’t been back to earth since then, they would’ve just discovered all the new technologies of the 21st century on their most recent trip. Maybe when they finally introduced themselves he’d get his phone back. Or a TV. Or something other than these 3 blank walls.

After days of staring, he started seeing things in the ceiling. Landscapes, skyscrapers, a few faces. When he thought he saw his brother's face in the corner, he decided not to look up there anymore.

He found himself instead staring at Shane’s back. He was sleeping more and more with every passing day, eventually spending one day asleep from beginning to end. Ryan wondered if he was sleeping at night.

One day he suddenly remembered the first time his friend stumbled into the office around 11 in the morning. He had slumped down heavily in the chair next to Ryan, wrapped in a blanket and clutching his mug.

Ryan’s brows furrowed. “Hey...you okay, Big Guy? Sick?”

“I slept all weekend,” Shane had said without looking up.

“Oh? Sounds...relaxing?”

He only shrugged, not saying anything more. Ryan would later learn that “I slept all weekend” meant “my girlfriend broke up with me” or “my dog passed away.”

He rolled out bed and went to the glass, writing out a message and knocking.

(I’m so fucking bored.)

Shane rolled over and just stared at him with sunken eyes.

Ryan frowned and wrote again.

(Let’s do something.)

Shane mouthed one word.

“Why?”

(To keep ourselves sane, asshole. Get down here.)

Shane rolled back over, facing the wall again.

“Hey!” Ryan shouted. He banged on the glass with his fist until Shane turned his head back around, giving him a pouty frown.

(I’m not letting you shut down. We’re in this together. Get. Down. Here.)

He watched Shane turn back around again, sigh heavily, and roll out of bed.

(What do you wanna do?)

(Literally anything. You want to tell stories? Play a game? Anything.)

(What the fuck games could we play like this?)

(I have a few ideas.)

(Shoot.)

Ryan took a moment to scribble down every idea he had out of spite. He hesitated when he was done, embarrassed when he only actually had 7 things on his list.

(Headbands.  
Crosswords.  
Harry Potter house sorting.  
Literally a million work outs.  
I could tell you about every weird conspiracy theory I’ve ever heard of.  
Ruined History??  
Question game!)

He held it up for a minute as Shane slowly looked back and forth between it and his own message. Though he was still acting lethargic, Ryan smiled. He could tell he was invested again, even if it were to just tell him off. It was something.

(Mkay so  
No  
You had a crossword puzzle hidden in your ass this entire time?  
No  
NO  
Maybe  
I got nothin  
What the fuck does that mean?)

Ryan smiled as he wrote back.

(Taking all those negatives as “No for now”s.  
I used to make crosswords for the school newspaper back in the day. I’m good at it.  
I could go on for hours, but you knew that already.  
Just something we used to do in college. You ask each other super invasive questions and you have to either answer or drink.)

(Fun. I can make sudokus.  
That’s another “No for now”, I think. My head’s hurting again.  
We don’t have alcohol?)

(That’s awesome! We can trade!  
There’s not a lot of questions I won’t answer, at least to you. Especially right now.)

(Right now?)

(I think they’re going to wipe our memories after all this.)

(Ignoring that. So you just wanna play truth or dare minus the dare.)

(Do you have anything better to do? No. No you don’t.)

(Fine. You start, then.)

(Great) Ryan wrote. He smiled to himself. This was maybe more nostalgic for him than he had thought. (Customary first question: Best sex you’ve ever had?)

He watched Shane burst out laughing, leaning back on his hands.

(That’s your first question?)

(It’s tradition! It’s supposed to set the mood.)

(I don't know if that's gross or not. But I guess my boyfriend senior year of college was...good? Name was Victor. No time in particular, just every time, I guess.)

Ryan stared at Shane’s reply for a few seconds, then back at Shane, who raised an eyebrow. Ryan quickly started to scribble.

(You like guys???)

(You only get one question, fucker! This is your game!)

(Fine, it’s your turn!)

Shane paused for a second, smirking.

(Do YOU like guys?)

Ryan laughed.

(I’m bi.)

(Shit, me too.)

(See this is fun. Aren’t you glad you got out of bed today?)

(Shut up.)

  


* * *

  


One day, Ryan woke up with a start. He was starting to wonder if they'd get out of here before he got used to the rude awaking they were given every day. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched his arms over his head. At that moment, he happened to catch the faintest glimpse of himself in the reflection of the glass.

_Shit._

He squeezed his right bicep, then his left, frowning.

_Fuck._

Shane visibly jumped when he knocked on the glass. Apparently he was still waking up.

(Hey I’m starting to look like shit, so I’m gonna work out all day. Want to join?)

Shane gave him the finger and rolled back over.

Ryan smiled. He ended up mostly doing sit-ups and push-ups, as he tried and failed to remember all the “Work out without a gym!” hacks he used to read about. It didn’t take him long to realize he wasn’t going to be to keep this up. After about half an hour his shirt was already soaked with sweat, making him curse when he remembered that he only had the one shirt.

He peeled it off and hung it off the side of the sink, swearing that he’d hate himself if he didn’t wash it before putting it back on, knowing full well that wasn’t going to happen.

Halfway through a set of sit-ups, he caught Shane staring at him, still in his bed. Ryan grinned and stuck out his tongue. The other man huffed and turned back over, giving him the finger over his shoulder.

  


* * *

  


A couple weeks later it was Ryan’s turn to get jolted awake.

Shane slapped his message against the wall loud enough for Ryan to hear it, pressing his face against the glass in an exaggerated frown.

(I miss jacking off >:( )

Ryan wheezed so hard he nearly fell out of bed. He finally looked up at the taller man and pointed at the bathroom door.

Shane gave him disgusting look and quickly scribbled his reply against the wall.

(I piss and shit in there!)

Ryan laughed and shrugged his shoulders. When Shane continued to stare at him, the shorter man sighed heavily and reached for the paper on his side table, wincing. His arms were sore, but he was happy with his progress so far.

(What the fuck do you want me to do about it? Also why aren’t you jacking off at night like a normal person?)

(You’re right there! Are YOU jacking off at night?)

Ryan reached around under his bed and pulled out a wad of toilet paper. He pointed at it and wiggled his eyebrows at the other man, who looked shocked.

(What the fuck!)

(You can’t see me!)

(What if the light turns on before you’re done?)

(I start like right after it goes out! And I don’t care what you say, I still think they have it off for 8 hours at a time. At least 6.)

(You’ve never jacked off for 8 hours straight?)

(Shut up, Shane.)

Later that day, Ryan saw him trying to sneak a wad of toilet paper out of his bathroom unnoticed. When he realized he’d been caught, he rolled his eyes and flipped Ryan double birds, blushing all the while.

  


* * *

  


(So I’ve always wanted to ask you this, but I think I know the answer and I don’t want you to bum me out...what do you actually think happens when you die?)

Every few days one of them would start up another question game out of nowhere by lying down in front of the glass and posing a question. No introduction was required anymore.

Shane sat down and raised an eyebrow at the question, taking a deep breath as he wrote. He held up his answer with a small smile.

(But you know what I’m going to say.)

(That it all just ends?)

(Yeah.)

(That’s so BORING, Shane.)

Shane laughed. (What do you want from me? And BORING isn’t what’d I’d call it.)

(How can you believe something so depressing?)

(I think it’s depressing too! It's fucking terrifying! But I can’t just say "That scares me too much, so I'm not going to believe it," when it's what's most likely to actually happen. I'd rather prepare for it.)

(What if you're wrong?)

(I would be delighted to be wrong. Fucking ecstatic.)

(Whatever. I'll bother you about it later, you're bumming me out. It’s your turn.)

(Don’t pout. Mkay well, is this beard working for me? Because I feel like it’s working for me.)

Ryan wheezed, rolling over onto his back. He never understood how Shane could treat things like so lightly. It was at times like these, watching his friend nonchalantly rub his ever-expanding facial hair, that he felt incredibly lucky to have him here.

He rolled back over and scratched at his own stubble, which was coming in thicker than he thought. (It’s not bad actually.)

(Really?)

(You look like you own a coffee shop in Portland.)

(I don’t know if you mean that as a compliment, but I’m taking it as one. Portland is cool.)

(How’s mine look?)

(Gotta to be honest, that’s why I asked, because you’ve been holding steady at “handsome model in a perfume ad” for a while now, and I wanted to know how I was measuring up.)

Ryan wheezed again.

  


* * *

  


More time went by and they did eventually get around to making puzzles for each other. The person who made one would have to then hold it up to the glass, while the other painstakingly copied it down onto their own paper. The process was annoying, but they both very quickly decided it was worth it.

Ryan rubbed his eyes. He felt like he was using parts of his brain that he hadn't used since waking up in this room. That thought set off yet another new strand of anxiety in him. In attempting to make crosswords without access to a dictionary, he was constantly torn between using smaller, safer words and using longer, more difficult words and running the risk of getting the definition wrong. Because of this struggle, he only yielded about two crosswords a day, while Shane, on the other side of the wall, cranked out sudokus like they were nothing.

One day, they were laying on the floor surrounded by papers, doing each others puzzles when Ryan realized he hadn’t picked up his pencil in what felt like hours. He’d been rolling around, staring at this one sudoku of Shane’s without making much progress at all.

He got up to write Shane a message, scooting up to the glass.

(Hey, I’ve been stuck literally all day. Did you play-test this one?)

Shane glanced up from his own paper and smirked. He wrote his reply in the margins of a crossword and held it up.

(Why would I do that?)

He burst out laughing at the offended look on Ryan’s face.

(Well fuck you then!) Ryan mimed tearing his paper in half, making Shane laugh harder.

(Did YOU play-test this shit?)

(I don’t have a dictionary! All those words are from my own fucking head, they should not be hard! I’m not making you a new one until you finish the LAST TWO I MADE YOU!)

Shane was on his back, giggling profusely with his hand over his mouth. Ryan went back to a different sudoku. He looked up again after a while and saw the other man starting to write, then stopping, then starting again. Ryan couldn’t read his expression.

Shane carefully placed his next message against the glass, staring directly into Ryan’s eyes as he did.

(Hey. If we don’t make it out of here...)

He reached around to grab another piece of paper as Ryan’s brows furrowed together. Then what? Ryan shot up from his puzzle and wrote furiously. (Don’t even go there, Shane.) he wrote. (I told you, we’re just being held for a while, or transported somewhere. If they wanted us dead we’d be dead. They’re keeping us alive for SOMETHING.)

When he looked up to put his paper on the glass, he realized Shane had already put his up. It was crisp white, except for three words.

(I love you.)

Ryan sat there and stared at the paper for longer than he should have. He expected to look up and see a winking Shane Madej like he was used to, but Shane’s face was neutral and...something else. Open. He looked...vulnerable. More than Ryan had ever seen.

But...just in case...

Ryan quickly crossed out the long message he had written and wrote in the margins.

(Like that?)

He watched Shane burst out laughing again, doubled over, but in the midst of watching this outburst Ryan’s head exploded, because he was nodding. Nodding in the affirmative. Yes, like that.

A wave of emotions hit him like a ton of bricks and he couldn’t help but laugh along with the other man. He’d been suppressing this for so long, because he couldn’t just fall in love with his best friend, but he had. Without trying. It was effortless, like their relationship had been from day one.

If only it hadn’t taken this long.

Ryan sat back and wiped his eye. He reached for a piece of paper but stopped, looking up again. He wanted to look him in the eyes, tell him he meant it.

“I love you too,” he said slowly, making sure each word formed on his lips.

Shane beamed. They sat there like that for a minute before Shane mouthed back.

“How long?”

They had both, without realizing it, gotten really good at reading lips. They both had a habit of saying the things they wrote out loud to nobody but themselves.

“Oh jeez...” Ryan smiled and looked at the ceiling. “Maybe...since the Bigfoot investigation?”

Shane laughed. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know! I just think I realized...how much fun I was having being around you, even in the most off-the-wall circumstances. That’s when you became...really important to me.”

Shane smiled a far off smile. “I was just complaining the whole time about the shitty motel you put us up in.”

“Yeah, could’ve done without that, you spoiled fuck.” Ryan laughed, looking down. “So?”

“What?”

“How long?”

“Oh, I have no idea.”

“What??”

“It was slow.” Shane’s eyes softened again, and Ryan felt his heart melting. “You just...grew on me. I don’t know when it started. Maybe when we met.”

“That’s...wow.” Ryan felt a pang in his chest as the first warning light flashed.

Shane flashed him a tired smile. He leaned forward and placed his hand against the glass. Ryan swallowed and placed his up too. They stayed like that for a moment before the second light flashed.

Ryan reluctantly removed his hand first and retreated to the bed. When he looked back, Shane blew him a kiss from his own bed and winked.

_Why did it take us this long?_

  


* * *

  


The puzzles kept their attention for a couple weeks. Neither of them knew if that was a good amount of time or not. Ryan was the first to give up on them entirely. He was looking through his stack of papers one day and noticed that half of them were taken up by half finished sudokus that he has no plans to return to. When he broke the news to Shane, the other man actually sighed with relief.

“I felt bad, but I didn’t look at any of your crosswords all day yesterday.” Shane mouthed.

“Then what the fuck were you doing all day?”

“You’re gonna love this...”

Shane grabbed a piece of paper off of his table and held it up for Ryan to read.

(HOT DAGA PART III, Still commissioned by Ryan Bergara)

“You’re the worst, Shane Madej. The worst.”

“Excited?”

“To put a bullet in my brain, yeah.”

Shane looked positively giddy.

While he worked on the third installment to his epic trilogy, Ryan started doodling. At first he just let his mind and pencil wander, but too many times he would end up drawing little alien figures and creep himself out, something he never admitted to his friend. As an alternative, he decided to take up still life. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he only had one or two things to draw. He got really, really good at drawing tables and beds.

He got fed up one day and approached the glass.

“Stay exactly like you are, don’t move. I’m going to sketch you.”

“Like one of your French girls?”

“Maybe don’t get naked. This time.”

"Oooooo."

A short while after he started, though longer than Ryan expected it would be, Shane got too restless. Ryan looked up to find him rolled over on his back, looking in his direction.

“You’ve been looking at nothing but white walls and MY FACE for MONTHS, and you can’t draw me from memory?”

“I probably could, but I’d probably make you super ugly. Is that what you want?”

Shane thought for a minute. “So you’re saying I’m constantly surprising you with how pretty I am.”

“I’ll draw you super ugly, don’t test me.”

“You gonna put it up on your wall? Kiss it every night before you go to sleep?”

“I’ll put it against the glass so YOU have to look at it. All day long. Every day.”

Shane wheezed, then reluctantly rolled back into his original position.

  


* * *

  


The day that Ryan was nearly finished with his magnum opus was the day he finally ran out of lead.

It was about a month later. He’d finished several sketches that were actually all sitting up against the wall in various places.

He stared down at the tip of his pencil for a good couple minutes before shaking out the last little piece that always got left behind. He put it against the end of his finger and tried to finish up a couple of details, but ended up leaving a nasty streak right through Shane’s left ear.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. That was it, he was done. He’d never concerned himself with conserving his lead, because from day one he told himself he’d be out of here before he’d used the last of it. There was no way he wouldn’t be.

“Why are you sad? It looks just like my big ugly mug.”

Ryan spent the rest of the day sitting with his forehead against the glass.

“Hey.” Shane scooted up to him and placed his forehead directly in front of Ryan’s, making the shorter man smile for the first time all day. “I’m here for you from now on, whenever you need to talk. Except when I’m pooping.”

The next morning, Ryan gasped when looked over into Shane’s room. He was still sleeping, but scrawled across the wall behind him, in giant letters, were the words “SHANE AND RYAN WERE HERE, FUC” with half of the letter “K” trailing off at the end. His pencil was thrown haphazardly underneath it, where it would remain.

  


* * *

  


“Do you wanna talk about...like, fucking?”

“I...What okay?” Shane wheezed.

They were laying on the floor, side by side, the way they spent most of their time these days.

“Depends, though. What do you want to talk about?” Shane finally said.

“Tell me how you’d fuck me.”

“What do you mean how?”

“What would you do?”

“You want a diagram?”

“Ughhhh,” Ryan groaned, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. “Just tell me...anything, everything. What do you fantasize about? What would our first time be like?”

“I don’t wanna talk about our first time."

“Why not?”

“I’ve thought about it, right?” The look on Shane’s face was suddenly more serious than Ryan was prepared for. “If we talk about it here...we’ll probably end up planning the whole thing out, because we’re like that, and then when we get out, one day we’ll be like...in the thick of it...” Shane cut the tension by making himself giggle. Ryan let out the breath he’d been holding. “...then our idiot ape-brains’ll think back to NOW. This place. I don’t...like that thought.”

Ryan opened his mouth, only to close it again.

He'd said “when.”

Shane Madej still thought there was a chance they’d get out of here. Enough to casually say “when.” Enough to make decisions around it.

They’d been there for quite a while. Months? Years? Probably not years. He didn’t know exactly how long. Shane was keeping track, and he hadn’t felt up to asking in ages.

At some point, Ryan had started to cut ties. He would lie in bed, stare at a wall, and imagine cutting off parts of his brain. Cutting out memories of people, of places, and things he used to love. It was all too painful to keep. He'd resigned himself to dying here. Probably of malnutrition, maybe poisoning. They still had no idea what they were eating every day, or what was in the water that they drank directly from the sink, though it was almost always clear. And, of course, there was always a chance the aliens could come in at any moment and shove something through his skull. The fact that they hadn't done that yet almost worried Ryan more. Every time something even remotely out of the norm would happen, like the air not coming on or the lights flickering, he would imagine something happening to them. They couldn't still be here, right? They would've done something with, or to, the two of them by now. Right?

He hadn’t told Shane any of this. Now he was really a glad he hadn’t.

“Then what do you wanna talk about?” Ryan said, trying to covertly wipe his eye and quell is breath. “I’m not listening to any more Hotdaga.”

  


* * *

  


BANG. BANG. BANG.

Ryan awoke to noises coming from Shane’s room. It was still dark. He sat up straight up in bed, listening for more and staring in the direction of the other room, though he knew he’d have to wait to see anything.

He didn’t have to wait long.

After a couple minutes, the light turned on as suddenly as it always did.

_Oh god._

Before him was the most terrifying thing he’d ever see. Shane was standing with his hands against the glass, staring at him wide-eyed with tears streaming down his face.

He was waist deep in water.

Ryan froze with his mouth agape. The room was filling fast. It was coming in waves from Shane’s bathroom, from which Ryan could see three big streams shooting out of the sink.

Ryan looked back at Shane’s pale face, his lips moving.

“I don’t wanna die.”

Ryan’s first instinct was to grab the closest thing to him, his bedside table, and hurl it at the glass. Shane jumped back.

Crack.

They both heard it. Ryan leapt to his feet as adrenaline rushed through his veins. He grabbed the table again and looked again at Shane, who stood dumbstruck in the middle of the room.

“Go! Try and stop it!” Ryan jerked his head towards the the bathroom door. Shane gave him one last look before he turned and waded back towards it, fighting the waves coming at him.

Ryan turned back to the wall, gritting his teeth. His heart was pounding in his ears. He gripping the legs of the table. With all the strength he could muster, he banged it against the glass.

“YOU!”

Bang.

“CAN’T!”

Bang.

“TAKE!”

Bang.

“HIM!”

Crash.

The glass shattered. A wave of clear water mixed with broken, sharp pieces rushed into Ryan’s chamber, knocking him off his feet. He shut his eyes tight as he went under.

All that he could hear was rushing around his head. Then, gurgling, like he’d unplugged a bathtub.

_The vent. Oh my god._

Suddenly, he was being pulled out by his armpits. He sputtered as he was dragged up and onto his bed and finally placed on his side.

He coughed out what had to be a few cups before being pulled back into the bed, two long arms wrapping around him and squeezing.

“Shane!”

Ryan flipped around to face the other man. His face was still pale and he looked more than a little shaken, but he was beaming.

“Hey there, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Joh-“

Ryan tackled him into the bed, shoving his face into his neck and wrapping every limb around him.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Ryan said into his shoulder.

“You too...you were amazing...”

“I’m so glad you’re really here...”

“What?”

“I thought you might be a hologram.”

“Shut up.”

Ryan pulled back and smashed their lips together. It was sloppy and so, so hungry, but it felt like heaven. Every touch was electric on his skin.

Shane kissed him back, but pushed him away before he was ready. His brows were furrowed with worry, but he was smirking. He also had blood on his chin. “You’re gonna hurt yourself, baby...”

“Oh fuck...” Only then did Ryan realize how bad off he was. He was covered in scratches and deep cuts from the glass, including one on his bottom lip. He cringed as they started to sting all at once.

But before anything could sink in, they heard a new noise coming from the other room. They looked over to see the divot in Shane’s wall slowly open up like a sliding door, the last of the water rushing out. They froze and held their breaths, Ryan still firmly on top of the other man, waiting for someone, something, to come walking through.

But nothing did.

Eventually they got brave enough to get up and peer out. There was nothing but a long, empty hallway that led into blackness, the walls as white and nondescript as they were in their cells.

Ryan picked up the table. Shane coughed out a laugh but then nodded, reaching down to pick up a long, sharp piece of glass.

“Get behind me,” he said.

“You get behind me!”

“I’m bigger.”

“I’m stronger!”

“Together then?” Shane leaned down and gently kissed his upper lip. Ryan's breath caught as a wave of determination rushed through him. In a way he knew it was just the adrenaline kicking back in, but suddenly he couldn't feel his cuts anymore. He looked back at the door.

“Together. Let’s go.”

  


* * *

  


The two of them trekked through dimly lit hallways for what felt like hours.

“If we just go forward long enough, we’ll have to find something,” Shane whispered after a while. It was eerily quiet, with no signs of life anywhere.

“Or someone,” Ryan whispered back.

“Or someone.”

Ryan turned to him. “Shane, I’m...”

He was cut short. A sliding door, like the one they’d escaped through, opened up behind him and he felt himself being lifted into the air. Two impossibly strong arms wrapped around him, making him drop the table and holding him in place. Shane screamed and lunged at him but was kicked back, hitting the wall with a thud.

Ryan screamed and squirmed but was no match. They turned away, and started heading back down the way they came.

Back to his cell.

Ryan kicked and kicked, his bare feet only colliding with what felt like solid metal. Blood rushed to his head and his heart beat loudly in his ears.

_I can’t go back I can't go back I can't go back!_

Suddenly he was showered in metal sparks and they halted so quickly Ryan had the breath knocked out of him. He felt the arms around him loosen their grip, just enough for him to squirm free, landing on his feet.

He looked back to see a what could only be described as a large, chrome man. It had a wide body, nearly as wide as it was tall, and a tiny head. Out of what would be his face protruded a long, sharp piece of glass.

Shane grabbed his arm.

“Come on!”

They ran down the corridor, Ryan’s heart still pounding in his ears. He was starting to feel one of the deep wounds in his left foot, but they couldn't stop. He expected to get jumped again at every turn.

But nothing happened. Eventually he came limping to a stop, Shane hovering over him as he watched behind.

"Let me carry you."

"No, just..." Ryan hissed through his teeth. "Help me..."

He slung his arm around the other man's neck, and they carried on walking.

After a while, they came to a long corridor that was different. Instead of the pale white walls, this was all metal, almost industrial. It ramped up and out of site, but they could tell there was some kind of light at the end of it. Shane looked down at Ryan, smiling a tired, weary smile.

“Ready to ascend?” He whispered.

They walked down the seemingly endless hallway in silence until Shane stopped again, frowning. Then his eyes widened.

“What?” Ryan asked, balancing weakly on his right foot.

“Do you smell that?”

“No, what?”

He didn't say anything more, but doubled their speed towards the light.

When they finally reached the end, they stood side by side in the mouth of the corridor, letting their eyes adjust to the blinding light. Shane leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the top of Ryan’s head and whispered, his voice quivering.

“Pine.”

When his eyes adjusted, Ryan gasped.

They were surrounded by wilderness. The smell and the sounds hit him as hard as the light. Pine trees and squirrels and water and bull frogs and worms and dirt and growth, everywhere. It was a forest. A familiar forest.

Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest.

  


* * *

  


Ryan woke with a start. He sat up and rubbed the sweat from his forehead. Visions of a lifeless, floating Shane Madej sat stubbornly at the top of his mind.

He stiffened when he felt two arms wrap around his waist, then immediately relaxed.

“The facility again?”

“Yeah...the drowning one...”

“Oh boy, it’s been a little bit.”

Ryan sighed heavily as he leaned back into the other man's touch, closing his eyes again. “How do you not get nightmares?” he whispered.

He could feel Shane grinning against his neck.

“I don’t sleep, baby.”

They were found within a couple days of leaving the place they would come to just call “the facility.” A group of hunters ran into them and, to their relief, recognized the two of them from TV. Evidently they’d made national news.

As it turned out, the facility was once a secret, underground laboratory that was built in the 60’s. It was where scientists conducted all kinds of experiments on animals and humans alike, though supposedly only on volunteers. It was shut down and abandoned in the 80’s, but someone had failed to shut down one (only one!) of the AI helpers roaming around. Whenever the robot found all of the cells empty, something in its programming told it that the “volunteers” had escaped and needed to be brought back. So it would go out in the woods, capture the first human it found, bring them in, and hold them until they either escaped or died, starting the process over again. The government denied any involvement, stating it was all some private company that made various food and medical products, but Ryan found that highly suspicious. It was on federal land, after all. "How stupid do they think we are?" he would mumble.

Their first day back in civilization was the hardest. Before that, they spent days being passed from authorities to other authorities, having various blankets draped over them that they didn’t want. Eventually someone gave them a change of clothes. When Shane walked out in pants 6 inches to short, Ryan laughed harder than he had in a long time. It actually physically hurt.

But when they got back to LA, their families met them there, as well as seemingly the entire staff at Buzzfeed. There was a lot of hugging and crying, and to Ryan’s dismay, a lot of questions. Somehow the news hadn’t fully broken yet (which Ryan also found suspicious) so their coworkers didn’t know exactly what happened. After telling the story twice in the span of 20 minutes, he decided that was enough, and started saying things like “Ask me later,” or “Just...watch the news, okay?” To say he was overwhelmed was an understatement, and when he looked over at Shane, despite his wide smile, he looked almost green, like he was going to be sick.

_It’s too much._

After such a long day, they agreed to separate for the first time in order to get some rest in their own beds. Unfortunately, nighttime in LA wasn’t going to be any easier.

Ryan stared at his ceiling for hours, watching headlights travel from one side to the next, wincing whenever sirens went by or someone honked their horn. He'd fended off every invitation to stay over and keep him company, insisting he wanted to be alone for the night, though in retrospect he wasn't sure why. Eventually, he gave up on sleep. He went into the living room and turned on Netflix, selecting the first documentary he came across. He turned it down to the lowest volume possible.

Around three in the morning, somebody knocked on his door and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He was fully prepared to hide under his blanket until they went away, but then he heard a voice.

“Hey...just me.”

He scrambled up and ran to the door, realizing a moment too late that he was only in a T-shirt and boxers.

“Hey, sorry...” Shane laughed, averting his eyes. Ryan was taken aback by his face, clean-shaven for the first time in...a time. “I saw your light was on, would’ve called, but hey, a robot stole my phone?”

Ryan immediately closed the gap between them, burying his face in the other man’s chest. “It’s too much,” he said after a while, muffled. “I was so excited to have my own bed back.”

“I know,” Shane said into Ryan’s hair, squeezing him back. “I have a street lamp right outside my window. I don’t know how I ever slept. On top of it being hot as balls.”

“It’s too much, Shane...it’s all too much...” Ryan felt himself starting to tear up again.

“Hey...” Shane ran his hand through Ryan’s hair. “Kinda feels like...being a man out of time, right? Like we got transported into the future? But this was your life...this IS your life. You’ll be back into it before you know it.”

Ryan just sniffed.

“And, if not, we’ll just run away to Barcelona or something.”

Ryan laughed softly, finally pulling away and wiping his eyes. “I’m glad you’re here, Big Guy.”

Shane smiled through tired eyes. “Me too.”

“Do you wanna come in? I’m watching Stranger Things.”

“Fuck you.”

They spent the rest of the night on the couch, falling asleep at the crack of dawn in a tangle of limbs. It would be a long time before they tried to sleep alone again.

  


* * *

  


“Hello and welcome to a very special episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved...”

“Buzzfeed:Solved!” Shane smiled, twirling his red pen in his hand.

“I...goddamn it we should’ve actually done that huh...” Ryan wheezed. “Anyway, buckle up folks, have we got a story for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, sorry this fic isn't quite where I wanted it to be, but it's been sitting in my drafts for months and I really wanted to just throw it out there so here it is! I didn't know how to tag it, so let me know if you have any suggestions. This is my first fic posted in...almost a decade, yeah. I'm old as dirt. I hope you liked it! Feel free to find me at [theyhavehorns](https://theyhavehorns.tumblr.com) or on my main blog at [sweetdreamsmadeofpeas](https://sweetdreamsmadeofpeas.tumblr.com).


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